Compassion

There are 1000's of ideas, thoughts, art ideas, creations that I want to write about.  I went in & edited what this blog is about, as it rarely is about just my ornaments. And, I want to expand it to more than my creations.   There are a variety of causes that I have been interested in for many years, and am getting a bit more involved in again, but unfortunately this involvement is somewhat limited. And what does this have to do with compassion? A lot actually.  Please excuse me, I'm trying to focus so many things going through my head into one idea here! Did I ever mention that I'm ADD? Yeah, I am! 

A few of you may know who I am talking about, and if so, I ask that you please help me keep this person's identity undisclosed. Thank you.

Somebody I know got caught up in a legal mess not too long ago.  She had gone to her husband's apt to ask him for some money to buy their baby a jacket.  (Yes, they are separated)  Their baby was about 7 mos' old, and they had separated when "baby" was 4mos old after 4 - 5 years of marriage.  She deeply loved this man, and went through a lot with him. He literally was her best friend for many years.  Because of an unfortunate brain injury, he changed over the years, and went from a very caring gentle person to an abusive, & highly agitated person who for some reason connected his wife to  his disastrous time in the Army.   While at his apartment, things got out of hand.  As she was finally able to leave with him following her out with the intention of following her in his car,  she was concerned about him driving, after having taken some pain pills, anti-depressants, and drinking the night before,  & she called the police. 
They were both arrested.  The police didn't allow her to call a friend to come get the baby or to pick up her other child who was at home.  So of course the cops called CPS, who picked up the kids and took them to different foster homes for 5 days.  The baby was being completely breast fed, & the other child was old enough to be home & but pretty freaked out when the cops showed up & hauled them off to a strange place for 5 days, & didn't have a clue what was happening with mom.
From what this person told me about this incident, she really should not have been charged with anything.  But, she was & eventually ended up taking a plea deal because she was scared.  She was scared that if she was convicted, she could  spend 10 years in prison.   Not too long ago she was injured in a way that has made getting around quite difficult, especially because she does not own a car.  This is causing a problem with probation because she is supposed to start taking Domestic Violence (DV) classes as well Anger Management classes, that will cost about $400 - $500./mo. that she does not have the money for.  She was just starting to look for a job when she was injured, but right now cannot work until she heals.  Probation isn't being very compassionate about it all.  Somewhat, but could definitely be more so!   I seriously doubt that having her go to jail and having her 2 kids put in foster homes for the duration will do anyone any good! Besides, it will cost the state a heck of a lot more money.
(yeah, I know, it's getting long!)
Many years ago, in domestic violence cases, it was up to the victim to press charges. This didn't always work out so well.  Now, the police have more discretion in some citys & states, but in other states, there are mandatory arrest clauses, along with strict "no drop" policies in DV cases!  So, even if you accidentally hurt (even slightly) the other person & get charged, the DA will push for a plea deal & could end up on probation & required to take DV & Anger management classes that are expensive.    These strict arrest & no drop policy have led to many people in this area to NOT call the police when they really need to - leading to people being hurt pretty badly or even worse, killed.   
People have asked her why she didn't leave her husband long ago.  She loved him, this man was her best friend for years, she knew & fell in love with the "real" person, not the person he came to be.  She wanted & hoped that with help he could return to at least some degree, the person he once was.  People have asked her why she isn't angry at him for leaving her for another young woman.  Most of us would be!  But, she loves him enough that she truly wants him to be happy.  That, is true compassion & love.  DV classes teach compassion.  I'm not sure that she can be taught to be more of a compassionate person than she is - in fact - even she realizes that her compassion for him,  got her in this legal mess.   No judgements, if you haven't been there, don't judge.  It's an extremely difficult process to leave someone you love, even when that person is hurting you.  It is also not a gender thing, there are many women who are the abuser.
It seems there has to be some happy medium between the old "victim having to press charges" to this mandatory arrest thing, but what?  Allowing the police to have more discretion? Not having a strict "no drop" policy regarding charges would certainly help.   There is a site that promotes having an escape plan & finding other safe places to live (unless you are in "real" danger of being killed)  before calling the police in this area!  They also recommend putting up video cameras in your home so you have proof.  What is NOT ok, falsely charging someone with domestic violence.  Yes, there people who have done this, & I hate to say it, mostly woman, who have falsely charged their husbands with domestic violence & have ruined this persons life.  If you are unhappy in your marriage, either try to fix it or get out - don't destroy the other persons life. 
So, if you are in such a situation, I recommend you find out just what the policies are where you live before you call the police - even if you are innocent, or there's an accident & the other person gets hurt - you can end up in a very bad situation that will affect you the rest of your life.  But, be safe!
Sometimes, we just need to walk away for a while & calm down.  Walking can do a soul good! Stop & smell the roses!